The big 4-0. A milestone birthday. Probably a good time to reflect on not only the past year (what a whirlwind that was), but the past 40 years. As I reflect on the past 40 years, a lot of things come to mind. Memories, mostly good, but some that bring tears to my eyes and make me remember times, people, and places that evoke both joy and sadness. I think of the places I’ve been and the people I’ve known, about family who are no longer here, but who have molded me and shaped who I am because of their love and influence.
I think about houses and pets, neighbors and schools, and things I used to do on a Friday night that probably should’ve gotten me in trouble, and sometimes did. I remember summer nights staying out late, listening to the locusts hum along with the streetlights, knowing it was time to go home. Bike rides and first kisses, friendships and school bullies, teachers, classes, and major historical events.
A lot has happened in the first 40 years of my life. I hope that some part of me is still the same as when I was 5, when I was 15, and when I was 25. I can feel the changes, not only physically (although those are getting more pronounced – why do my knees feel 60?), but also emotionally and mentally. Life does not look like I thought it would at 40, but I have very few complaints, if any at all. Sure, some years have been better or worse than others (I’m looking at you, 2020), but I am a firm believer that the experiences we have, both good and bad, are what shape us into the people we are.
I have met, worked with, gone to school with, sat next to, and lived among hundreds upon hundreds of people in my 40 years of life. It doesn’t seem like that long of a time, but so much has happened. Laughter, tears, heartbreak, anger – the whole gamut of emotions packed into what, when viewed through the scope of eternity, is not even a blink of an eye. The good Lord above has seen fit to challenge me in ways I never thought He would and ways I never thought I could overcome. I have done and said things I wish I hadn’t, and not done and said things I wish I had. Regrets are easy to conjure when looking back, but I wouldn’t change a thing. If given a second chance at some things, maybe I would choose differently, but then I would worry about who I would be or what I would miss because of it.
I also think about the future. I think about the relationships I haven’t yet discovered, the family and friends yet to come. I think about people I know and if I’ll ever get a chance to see some of them again or even talk to them once more. Life is a fleeting thing, and I think it’s important to enjoy it while you can. I think about experiences I want to have, and those I don’t even know I want to have, but will have. I think about those I love, and how love is both the hardest and easiest thing to do in life. I know my first 40 years on this earth have been filled with love, and I hope I’ve poured a bit of myself and my love into the cups of others, and that my next 40 years have much more love in store. Please know that I love you.